Saturday, 25 June 2011

Monsters, Dinosaurs And Other Household Pests

I have to tell you today about my cousin. He has a terrible predicament: dinosaurs plaguing his room at night!  Can you imagine?!  He’s doing a great job at keeping everyone in the house up, so they don’t drop their guard and get eaten when they doze off.  So manful, for someone so young.
It must be a real nightmare for him!  I’m so grateful we only have the odd mouse! Imagine getting monsters or dinosaurs in your room.
Here are some suggestions in case they turn up at your house.
Get yourself a “beast-repellant” spray. Mark my words, mythical beasts can hide anywhere; in the wardrobe, under the bed, behind chairs.  You’d be surprised how small a space they can squeeze into.  My local toy shop sells a specific anti-monster spray, but you can make your own really effectively that covers all beasts.  Get one of those mister-spray bottles, fill it most of the way with water (we all know what happens when Gremlins get wet) and add some sort of scent.  Aromatherapy oil, that sort of thing – it just acts as a reminder of where you’ve sprayed.
Have your child help you spray round his room, wherever beasts might hide.  You might need to do this for a few nights, till the beasts get the message.
Recruit a “guard.” Obviously not a real guard, but monsters aren’t that bright, and when it’s dark in the room, they’ll be scared off if they see a shape beside the bed.  You’ll need either a really big teddy, or some sort of inflatable being.  Do it up with a hat and coat, and set him beside the bed to keep watch.  Any opportunist beasts will see him and run.  Giving him a name will help with the “team effort,” but try not to make it too threatening!
Alternatively, think of something that might eat monsters.  In the example of my poor little cousin, it’s a little lion.  We all know that a lion is the King of the Jungle, so my Auntie encourages him to cuddle his lion for protection.  No beast would ever dare!
Sprinkle some “anti-beast” pellets around.  Glitter is a good bet, and if you do it well, you won’t even need to take the lid off, such is its power.  This is one for last thing at night, and can be used in conjunction with either of the above.  I have to advise at this stage that you make sure your little one’s eyes are closed – these things are powerful and should be used carefully!  Shake the container around the bed, under the duvet, over the toys – if you’re good, just the noise will be enough to do the trick.  Not that you’d ever want to trick your darling children, just ensure the household gets some sleep.
Sweet dreams, everyone!


  1. Love it! What made you decide to talk in your child's voice? You're the first I've come across since me. Kids with online personalities - brilliant!

  2. Thanks, Actually Mummy. I wanted a USP in a 'market' that's pretty busy. You're the first I've found, too. I look forward to following your blog.

  3. Do anti-beast pellets work on husbands CB - can you ask mummy for me ?

  4. Mammasaurus, I think there is a special kind for husbands but they're very expensive because they're in such high demand.


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