Almost the end of another week. Where IS the time going? I’ve had quite a good week this week. The week before last, the last of my proper friends got promoted from the baby room to the nursery and I was left behind. Not actually alone, of course, but the only Big Kid in a room full of babies. I wondered if I’d done something wrong, or if I should be wearing the dunce’s hat, but apparently it’s all to do with when our birthdays are and rules about how many under-2s are allowed in the nursery at any one time.
The cruel reality is that there’s a window in the bottom of the door separating the two rooms, so I can press my snotty nose up against the glass and watch my friends, and my boyfriend, having a rare old time without me.
I figured I had two choices. I could sit and mope and pine for my chums, or I could use my older, superior brain to my advantage in the baby room. I’ve opted for Choice 2. A lot of these babies aren’t even crawling yet, so you could say I’ve learned with no real difficulty about the saying “taking candy from a baby.” It is just too easy. I get to play with anything I want.
That was last week’s trick. I’ve taken it to a whole new level this week once I realised that actually the little rug-rats look up to me. I’m developing a game that I’ve imaginatively called “Chatty Baby Says,” whereby they all need to obey my commands. It’s a bit like Simon Says, except to keep things really simple for the heel-biters, they just do what I say regardless of how I start the sentence. I’m encouraging all sorts of naughtiness, like taking off shoes and socks as soon as they’ve been put on and the Nice Nursery Lady’s back is turned.
They (the Nice Nursery Ladies) need to plan big operations, like getting us all dressed to go and play outside, which means they often start slowly and quietly, ‘processing’ us one at a time. No such luck yesterday. I heard the magic word “outside” whispered, and couldn’t help myself. “BOOTS!” I yelled, at the top of my voice, immediately alerting the munchkins to the fact that action was imminent.
Well, it seems they like the fresh air and the garden toys as much as I do. The ensuing chaos can only be compared to the excitement in a dog-owner’s home when he or she calls “Walkies!”
My work here is done.